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Writer's pictureBloomfield College Underground

'This Damn Apple' by Jasmine Seward (aka Rain)

This Damn Apple Rain (aka Jasmine Seward)


“Niggas lie so much, I bet Eve

ain’t even eat the fucking apple”


“She did eat the apple

that’s why girls can never say

what they wanna eat cause

the last time they chose

something to eat,

it fucked up the whole

of humanity”




First of all, shut the fuck up about this damn apple

Do not associate our humor with your sexist remarks

If you must know, we do not choose what to eat because

We, your girlfriends, care about the chump change that you carry because you sir cannot afford it


Do not be mad at us for giving you the simple task of picking a place that you can afford

We know that it is not much, but we still are grateful for it

We are only settling for what you have to offer

Don’t try and “embarrass” us on social media because we can embarrass you in public


Oh, now you want to look confused

We can talk about how you are still living at home with your mother

Let’s discuss the fact that you were only using this car because your mother is at work bussing her ass for you to try and play women like you don’t act like one daily

Like you don’t cry when someone DM’s me

Like you don’t still wet the bed

Like you don’t still suck your thumb like its preschool and you’re at nap time

Or the fact that you want me to spoon YOU every night


So, don’t act like you have so much to offer a woman

And don’t act like you’re doing us a favor by making us settle for the LITTLE thing that you do have to offer

So, shut up about this damn apple and learn how to EAT ONE.

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