The Father I've Always Wanted?
Growing up, all I had was my mother. She did everything for me, always made sure I was straight. We didn't have much but we had each other. My father was never around but I never questioned it. Shit, I haven't seen him since I was in diapers—at least that's what my mother tells me. I seem to think I've always been good without him but having him here would be nice. But without him I've been fine; I learned how to drive without him, I learned how shave without him, shot my first basket without him and I got pretty damn good at it, too. Went on my first date without him, had 16 great birthdays and he didn't even send me a stupid card!
But why? WHY does he decide to show up at my damn doorstep after all these years? The doorbell rings and I look through the peep hole and see an ugly black ass face, I couldn't really recognize who it was so I said "Who is it?"
A response came back, "Son? Is that you son?" My eyes pop out of my head as I opened the door slowly and saw my father’s face.
Well, at least I thought it was my father’s face. I never seen my father before but he called me ‘Son’, so it had to be him. I hesitated but I stepped outside with my father so my mother wouldn't come to the door. I had so many questions for him but the one question I asked was "Wha-what are you doing here?"
"I'm here to see you, Son. Ahh man, you've gotten so big and handsome—just like ya daddy!" my dad says.
I was so nervous and caught off guard from seeing my father, my mouth was dry, forehead sweating, couldn't even get a word out. My mother swung open the door, I stared at her while she took a long hard look at my father. She grabbed me by my nappy fro and yanked me back inside, slamming the door only I can still hear her screaming at my father, saying "Don't bring yo black ass around here no more! We don't need you, we fine without you!"
Before my father could get a word out, she slams the door in my father’s face and asks me, calmly-"What you want for dinner, baby?" Uhhh bitch you not gonna explain to me what just happen? Of course I didn't say that out loud, instead I said "Chicken, ma’am." The whole night I just stayed up thinking about my father, replaying everything in my head. How I saw my father for the first time in my life, wondering why my mother was acting so weird, and pondering if I'm going to be as ugly as my father when I get older.
The next day, I wake up thinking if my father is alright and where he is. As I’m walking to school, a car horn honks and I look to my right—and sure enough, it’s my father. He’s driving in some jacked up Honda Civic. Where the fuck did he get this shit from! Looked like a motorcycle on 4 wheels. "Get in son, come on forget school, we can spend the day together," my father says. I hesitated to get in, not because I was scared of my father, but because I didn't want to be seen in that piece of shit space ship, old ass 1985 air conditioner looking shit. But I got in and we talked and talked and talked like we've always knew each other. We went to the mall, he didn't buy me anything, but just spending time with him was enough for me. I've never felt so happy in my life. We stayed out till night. Mother was at work all day, so she didn't even realize I was out so late.
As he's dropping me off home, he says "Son I've got a trip planned for us. We going to Philly in the morning, this new sports museum opening up. I just need a couple dollars to hold onto so I could get the bus tickets, son." I went in my pocket and pulled out $7.38 cent and my folded up math homework that I've been looking for since a week ago. He looks at me as if I killed his mother. I didn't kill his mother, I don't even know if the bitch is dead. Well if grandma is dead… I wanted to ask him if grandma was dead but that shit didn't matter at the moment. I said "Well, mom keeps money in the cabinet for emergencies but I doubt she'll notice."
"Yeah son go get it, I'll pay it back and she won't even notice." My father says.
I go get the money from the cabinet. It had to be about $750 dollars in there. I come back to the car and give it to my father and he says "This it, son?"
I say "Yeah, that's all of it."
He then asks, "How bad you wanna go to Philly, boy?" as he licked his lips and unbuckled his belt.
I responded "Uhhh… I wanna go to Philly, that's why I gave you the money."
He then said "This money not enough. . .I need a lil sumn’ else so I know you really want to go to Philly."
He grabbed the back of my neck, slid his tight ass British boy band jeans down and said- "Show me how bad you wanna go to Philly."
I never did go to Philly. After that night, I ain't never hear from him again. I had money saved up and put the $750 back into my mother’s cabinet before she noticed. I stayed up all night and day next to the house phone waiting for my father to call. He never did. A couple days went by and I thought, well maybe something came up.
A couple weeks went by and I started to hope that mother fucker was dead.
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